OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
