If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
