you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
