Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
