ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
