this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
