You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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