I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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