What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
