Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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