Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
