mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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