I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
