Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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