The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
