he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
