The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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