im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
