Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
