i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
