I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
