weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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