So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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