The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
