tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
