I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
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