Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
