We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
