I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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