My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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