she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
