Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
