I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
