i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
