i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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