It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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