i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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