we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
