sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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