no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
