I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
