I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We're too hungover to prance.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
