RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
