how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
