I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
false alarm, still single
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
