The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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