now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
