What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Randomize
