help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
