WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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