Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
