is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
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the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
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Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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