if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need to stop coming to work sober
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
