Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
