I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
