that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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