Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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