It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
