I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
