playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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