the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My bed smells like the plague
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
