Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
