Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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