Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
