Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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