Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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