This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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