Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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