He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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