He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
