Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
