I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
