You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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