And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
