Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Less talking, more tequila
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
