Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
