i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
