Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
