69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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