If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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