Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
